What does it all mean? My life... the people in it... my experiences... the yearnings inside of me. What do they tell me about my purpose?
In a book I received from my sky diving friend in Key West, I read the answer that I know has always been in me.
"There is only the search itself."
As life intensity unfolds all around me, it is up to me to shed any fear I have of it and dive head first into the messes -- to get nice and dirty, and to experience the transformative power of sorting through it all.
I owe this philosophy to Irwin Kula and his book, "Yearnings: Embracing the Sacred Messiness of Life," but owe my gratitude to my friend for sharing it with me. I am in a thankful mess.
And as soon as I dive into a mess, I change. By getting my feet wet in the knowledge that my desires have led me to investigate, my whole perception of the possibilities of this life changes. I accept the "new me" as a part of the "old me" that just hadn't come out to play yet.
And maybe "messes" isn't the best word to describe our dream scenarios, because as a whole they look like paradise. It takes separating them into individual pieces that we must get a firm grip on before we can create the whole.
That is where I am in this moment. In the middle of a huge abstract puzzle. It took all of the experiences in my life to get here. All of the "I hope to someday"s and the "If I only had"s that brought me to this point. I know that I am not the same person I was 10 years ago, not even the person I was 2 years ago when I first moved back to Kansas City, but I am so thankful for that. I have the next 10 years to look forward to now! And what better way to kick off my new mental moment than with a desire to filter through the messy world of publishing books?
There is nothing to lose. I will gain more understanding, experience, and uncover talents that I did not know lay dormant in myself thus far.
It is with these desires, that all of our "oops" moments begin. If we continuously lived our lives as "good girls" and "good boys" all the time, then that catalyst for change might never surface! When we move forward on a fleeting moment of desire, all of the rules change. Everything we have created in comfort -- our daily routines, the ease we create for others -- in turn sacrificing ourselves, and the resulting floating through life that occurs -- it is all holding us back from our transformations! An "oops" moment may be just what the existential doctor ordered! "Oops!" I did something for myself that made me feel better and it was different than anything I have done in years...hmmm, imagine the possibilities. :)
Here I stand, with Ms. Panda at my fingertips, being created day by day and used as a vehicle for my transformation. My ideas swim like a school of fish through my head and I reel them in one by one, inspecting them, honoring them for feeding my conscious and then releasing them out into the world. It is from my interaction with these new, fresh and slippery little suckers that I am changed.
As for Ms. Panda, by continually feeding my desires into her and I am certain that I will inevitably merge my life with hers. I will become the very hero that I have dreamed into existence. Through her, I will be able to "go" places and "fix" problems in a virtual representation of the real world. It is from the adventures of my avatar, Ms. Panda, that I will teach humans about our actions, the ensuing effects of them on ourselves and our environment, and how to create our own "oops" moments to challenge the accepted way and order in life.
This, to me, is the meaning of life. We never stop growing and learning and what we think we are now is bound to change, so don't hold on too tightly. Let the desire flow through you, heck, let it be a flood inside of you -- for that is the only way you will ever muster up enough courage to release the fear and dive into the mud and the muck of your sticky desire. Believe in the mud pie that you are about to create and go for it! It is bound to be a fun time, even if no one will eat it ;) That's just the point -- get dirty, have fun and learn something about yourself!
"Twenty years from now you will regret the things you didn't do more than the things you did. Explore! Dream! Discover!" -- Mark Twain
Happy mud pie making :)
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Monday, March 28, 2011
Who is Ms. Panda?
As I was sitting down to write this evening, I came across a character development outline that I received in my Children's writers critique group. I thought about filling it in with ideas for Larry Bear, but I changed my mind and started to do it for myself. I mean, who do I know better? And better yet, who can I draw from the easiest when actually developing my characters? I didn't do it as an ego building exercise, but as more of an inner examination. I am often asked to explain who I am, where I came from and what I am trying to achieve with this life. I figured it would be beneficial to do a reexamination of just that. So, here are a few of the things that I re-learned about myself:
1) I'm a Navy brat, born in Meridian, Mississippi, moved to: Jacksonville, FL., Corpus Christie, TX., Key West, FL., San Diego, CA., and Kansas City, MO. all before I was 12 years old. I moved a lot. I saw a lot. I met a lot of people. I still communicate with a lot of them. I loved every part of it. I left home at 18, destined to return to San Diego. I studied journalism at Mesa College, studied abroad in Spain during the summer of 2001 and finished my BA in creative writing at Cal State University Northridge in 2005. I lived in OB (Ocean Beach), San Diego, for most of my CA years and have a California license plate that says "MSPANDA."
2) My nickname since I was 8 years old is Amanda Panda, simply because it rhymed. The ensuing chacter traits, such as playful and cuddly, sort of just fused themselves into me. I have an extreme amount of playful, creative energy and am always on the lookout for an outlet to plug into. I also love to hug. My dad always made me squeeze him as hard as I could when I was a kid. I kinda became a pro-hugger.
I LOVE TO CUDDLE. It comes out in many ways, like leaning my head on your shoulder, walking into your path as we walk side by side together, and pretty much just invading your space without any reservation, whenever, wherever. People who know me well, or have spent a considerable amount of time with me will agree with this.
3) In astrology, I am a Pisces-Monkey-Ocelot, which pretty much says that I am deeply ruled by my emotions -- am intelligent, but I get confused easily -- and I have the ability to heal human relationships, or at least figure them out fully. My numerology is a 3, which reinforces my enthusiastic nature, ability to inspire others and the fact that I am a born communicator.
4) I love to communicate. I love people. I love learning. Everyone that crosses my path has something to teach me. I listen and share. I love traveling and seeing new cultures and hearing other languages and accents. I love words, like serendipity and copacetic and epiphany. Some of my common expressions are: Love. Just be. :). ((((HUG)))). I wear my heart on my sleeve. I'm very sensitive to other people's energy and cannot tolerate liars, people with crazy big egos and obnoxious noises. I like to spend time with like minded life enthusiasts, because there is true value in the company we choose to keep for it creates our reality, good or bad.
5) I need attention. I like to be a charismatic leader and do great things, but I have a hard time doing it alone, or if no one else is there to recognize it. However, when I am recognized for my work, I shine even brighter! Positive recognition adds fuel to my fire. Recognition can be as great as a tangible award, or as simple as a high five! As long as it comes, I am a happy panda. As far as drawing attention to myself, I've always liked to challenge trends and choose my expression of style without fear of acceptance. I wear what feels right for daily events and I am usually met with queries of interest and/or nods of approval. I definitely have my own panda style.
6) The thing I would most like to change about myself is my dependence upon others. I always feel the need to have someone to lean on as a crutch, so that I can feel a sense of confidence. It is my goal to become more self reliant by facing my fears that I am not adequate or worthy enough to be a published author and to educate myself in the areas that I wish to achieve success. Currently those areas are publishing eBooks and writing using HTML, as well as attending venues to practice my spoken word and be my own master of rhythym and flow of language. Then I wish to use that language while reworking/editing my stories, marketing them upon completion and teaching others about my cause, which is to leave this planet better than I found it.
7) Ms. Panda is easy to approach, friendly, generous, honest, positively infectuous, loving, warm, full of good energy and always smiling. Some people are annoyed by it, because they aren't happy as easily as she is, but some accept her as she is and love and honor that special being in her. She always wants to help and save the day by using the power of positive thinking and the law of attraction to receive the gifts that life will give when you live this way. She is always there for others in need and will do anything she can to help them out. If there is a crisis, Ms. Panda wants to fix it!
Hmmm...I smell a character coming on ;)
Ms. Panda the bear
a reporter with blonde hair
Travels everywhere.
Ms. Panda believes
in helping others in need
and doing good deeds.
She goes overseas
to save creatures from disease
and man-made forces.
From there she reports
Situations of all sorts
And hugs to comfort.
Stay tuned for more... ;)
1) I'm a Navy brat, born in Meridian, Mississippi, moved to: Jacksonville, FL., Corpus Christie, TX., Key West, FL., San Diego, CA., and Kansas City, MO. all before I was 12 years old. I moved a lot. I saw a lot. I met a lot of people. I still communicate with a lot of them. I loved every part of it. I left home at 18, destined to return to San Diego. I studied journalism at Mesa College, studied abroad in Spain during the summer of 2001 and finished my BA in creative writing at Cal State University Northridge in 2005. I lived in OB (Ocean Beach), San Diego, for most of my CA years and have a California license plate that says "MSPANDA."
2) My nickname since I was 8 years old is Amanda Panda, simply because it rhymed. The ensuing chacter traits, such as playful and cuddly, sort of just fused themselves into me. I have an extreme amount of playful, creative energy and am always on the lookout for an outlet to plug into. I also love to hug. My dad always made me squeeze him as hard as I could when I was a kid. I kinda became a pro-hugger.
I LOVE TO CUDDLE. It comes out in many ways, like leaning my head on your shoulder, walking into your path as we walk side by side together, and pretty much just invading your space without any reservation, whenever, wherever. People who know me well, or have spent a considerable amount of time with me will agree with this.
3) In astrology, I am a Pisces-Monkey-Ocelot, which pretty much says that I am deeply ruled by my emotions -- am intelligent, but I get confused easily -- and I have the ability to heal human relationships, or at least figure them out fully. My numerology is a 3, which reinforces my enthusiastic nature, ability to inspire others and the fact that I am a born communicator.
4) I love to communicate. I love people. I love learning. Everyone that crosses my path has something to teach me. I listen and share. I love traveling and seeing new cultures and hearing other languages and accents. I love words, like serendipity and copacetic and epiphany. Some of my common expressions are: Love. Just be. :). ((((HUG)))). I wear my heart on my sleeve. I'm very sensitive to other people's energy and cannot tolerate liars, people with crazy big egos and obnoxious noises. I like to spend time with like minded life enthusiasts, because there is true value in the company we choose to keep for it creates our reality, good or bad.
5) I need attention. I like to be a charismatic leader and do great things, but I have a hard time doing it alone, or if no one else is there to recognize it. However, when I am recognized for my work, I shine even brighter! Positive recognition adds fuel to my fire. Recognition can be as great as a tangible award, or as simple as a high five! As long as it comes, I am a happy panda. As far as drawing attention to myself, I've always liked to challenge trends and choose my expression of style without fear of acceptance. I wear what feels right for daily events and I am usually met with queries of interest and/or nods of approval. I definitely have my own panda style.
6) The thing I would most like to change about myself is my dependence upon others. I always feel the need to have someone to lean on as a crutch, so that I can feel a sense of confidence. It is my goal to become more self reliant by facing my fears that I am not adequate or worthy enough to be a published author and to educate myself in the areas that I wish to achieve success. Currently those areas are publishing eBooks and writing using HTML, as well as attending venues to practice my spoken word and be my own master of rhythym and flow of language. Then I wish to use that language while reworking/editing my stories, marketing them upon completion and teaching others about my cause, which is to leave this planet better than I found it.
7) Ms. Panda is easy to approach, friendly, generous, honest, positively infectuous, loving, warm, full of good energy and always smiling. Some people are annoyed by it, because they aren't happy as easily as she is, but some accept her as she is and love and honor that special being in her. She always wants to help and save the day by using the power of positive thinking and the law of attraction to receive the gifts that life will give when you live this way. She is always there for others in need and will do anything she can to help them out. If there is a crisis, Ms. Panda wants to fix it!
Hmmm...I smell a character coming on ;)
Ms. Panda the bear
a reporter with blonde hair
Travels everywhere.
Ms. Panda believes
in helping others in need
and doing good deeds.
She goes overseas
to save creatures from disease
and man-made forces.
From there she reports
Situations of all sorts
And hugs to comfort.
Stay tuned for more... ;)
Thursday, March 24, 2011
The "Pain" Pen
Sometimes I write my journal entries with a red ink pen that I picked up when I took my friend to the North Kansas City Hospital's Pain Management Clinic. They make patients fill out the "rate your pain" form with the red pen. Is it because the red color resembles blood?
It certainly does to me and the emotions I am able to spill with the "pain" pen flow out as raw and fluid as if it were my own blood with which I was writing. Well, sorta. Not as intense, but it has an effect.
That is why tonight I write with the "pain" pen, as an ode to the suffering, for so many people on my path lately, strangers, friends and myself included, are struggling with our selves. This is my ode to human struggles.
Everyone is suffering. Whether silently, or publically, we all have some pain stuffed away that surfaces when we hit a rough patch. Sometimes that pain is deep enough and strong enough to fuel a fire big enough to light up a pretty intense pity party. This pain may come from a great personal loss or failure that has created a black hole inside oneself that no amount of attention, substance, or outside influence can heal. The pain must be dealt with mentally before a person can actually begin the healing process.
That is where it gets tricky.
People don't want to go through the emotional trauma again -- ever -- so they latch onto escapism and self medicating, which may create unhealthy addictions to people, possessions, substances and behaviors.
One person in particular, Charlie Sheen, has sort of become the model spokesperson for this exact situation. According to Charlie, he is "winning," but according to his father, Martin Sheen, Charlie is "emotionally crippled." Martin states, "when you're addicted, you don't grow emotionally. So when you get clean and sober, you're starting at the moment you started using drugs or alcohol." It is a valid point.
Yet, does it ring true for all addictions? Is a shopaholic or a person with a gambling problem trying to numb away a pain created by want for material needs that may have been deprived as a child?
How about a sex addict, or a couple in an abusive realtionship? Are they just too afraid to be alone, or have such a low level of self worth that they are willing to risk health and happiness for a comfortable distress?
There's so much pain all around us all -- all of the time. Just turn on the news. There is an entire world of suffering going on out there. But the important thing is to not feed into the negativity!!! Misery cannot survive without company!
Everyone lives in their own version of reality, created uniquely by their own experiences in life.
The most important lesson that I have learned in my lifetime is this:
I cannot change what anyone else thinks, says, or does!
Any attempt to control any of the aforementioned will leave me feeling sad, unworthy and discouraged.
What I do control is how I think, how I act and how I interpret the things that happen to me.
Its like the serenity prayer--
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can-
and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen."
In order to kick the pain and suffering that causes negative behaviors, we must get to the root of the pain first, and then drill it out like a cavity and finally fill in the dark hole with something positive. And, seriously, who doesn't hate the drilling part? Sometimes people avoid going to the dentist for years because they know it is that uncomfortable!
The only one missing out is You.
The only person stopping you is You.
The only person who can make it happen is You.
We need to maintain ourselves. We are responsible for our own upkeep!
And the positive "filling" is different for everyone. It can be meditative, like yoga, exercise, or taking up an instrument, or hobby, or it can be productive, like investing wholeheartedly in yourself, or your dreams -- whatever your thing is.
The question is, what is it and am I doing it now? I think that by creating a positive "filling" before the "drilling" is finished, the process actually advances much faster!
Be the light that you wish to see in this world. Others will see it and shine, too :) Smiles are infectious! Make the choice to smile when you meet others, whether you are driving in your car during rush hour, or ordering food at a restaurant. Others will notice.
Peace on earth begins within you and me. And sometimes the journey to that peace can be discovered by writing with a red ink pen.
The grass is not, in fact, always greener on the other side of the fence. Fences have nothing to do with it. The grass is greenest where it is watered. When crossing over fences, carry water with you and tend the grass wherever you may be.
Robert Fulghum, It Was on Fire When I Lay Down on It
It certainly does to me and the emotions I am able to spill with the "pain" pen flow out as raw and fluid as if it were my own blood with which I was writing. Well, sorta. Not as intense, but it has an effect.
That is why tonight I write with the "pain" pen, as an ode to the suffering, for so many people on my path lately, strangers, friends and myself included, are struggling with our selves. This is my ode to human struggles.
Everyone is suffering. Whether silently, or publically, we all have some pain stuffed away that surfaces when we hit a rough patch. Sometimes that pain is deep enough and strong enough to fuel a fire big enough to light up a pretty intense pity party. This pain may come from a great personal loss or failure that has created a black hole inside oneself that no amount of attention, substance, or outside influence can heal. The pain must be dealt with mentally before a person can actually begin the healing process.
That is where it gets tricky.
People don't want to go through the emotional trauma again -- ever -- so they latch onto escapism and self medicating, which may create unhealthy addictions to people, possessions, substances and behaviors.
One person in particular, Charlie Sheen, has sort of become the model spokesperson for this exact situation. According to Charlie, he is "winning," but according to his father, Martin Sheen, Charlie is "emotionally crippled." Martin states, "when you're addicted, you don't grow emotionally. So when you get clean and sober, you're starting at the moment you started using drugs or alcohol." It is a valid point.
Yet, does it ring true for all addictions? Is a shopaholic or a person with a gambling problem trying to numb away a pain created by want for material needs that may have been deprived as a child?
How about a sex addict, or a couple in an abusive realtionship? Are they just too afraid to be alone, or have such a low level of self worth that they are willing to risk health and happiness for a comfortable distress?
There's so much pain all around us all -- all of the time. Just turn on the news. There is an entire world of suffering going on out there. But the important thing is to not feed into the negativity!!! Misery cannot survive without company!
Everyone lives in their own version of reality, created uniquely by their own experiences in life.
The most important lesson that I have learned in my lifetime is this:
I cannot change what anyone else thinks, says, or does!
Any attempt to control any of the aforementioned will leave me feeling sad, unworthy and discouraged.
What I do control is how I think, how I act and how I interpret the things that happen to me.
Its like the serenity prayer--
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can-
and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen."
In order to kick the pain and suffering that causes negative behaviors, we must get to the root of the pain first, and then drill it out like a cavity and finally fill in the dark hole with something positive. And, seriously, who doesn't hate the drilling part? Sometimes people avoid going to the dentist for years because they know it is that uncomfortable!
The only one missing out is You.
The only person stopping you is You.
The only person who can make it happen is You.
We need to maintain ourselves. We are responsible for our own upkeep!
And the positive "filling" is different for everyone. It can be meditative, like yoga, exercise, or taking up an instrument, or hobby, or it can be productive, like investing wholeheartedly in yourself, or your dreams -- whatever your thing is.
The question is, what is it and am I doing it now? I think that by creating a positive "filling" before the "drilling" is finished, the process actually advances much faster!
Be the light that you wish to see in this world. Others will see it and shine, too :) Smiles are infectious! Make the choice to smile when you meet others, whether you are driving in your car during rush hour, or ordering food at a restaurant. Others will notice.
Peace on earth begins within you and me. And sometimes the journey to that peace can be discovered by writing with a red ink pen.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
There's Always Two Sides to Everything
Being sick sucks. Everyone can agree with that.
But I will award it one thing: it is a time to catch up on sleep. And when I sleep, I dream, which to me has always brought with it a sacred clairvoyance. Through my dreams I can see into my unconscious and in many ways, the future.
When I wake from a lucid dream full of symbols, I consult my dream dictionary and journal to document the meanings of these vivid scenes. However, when the meanings don't always bare the news that I would like to hear, I can often feel disheartened. I, by no means, expect life to always be full of rainbows and butterflies, but when I dreamt of being in a traffic jam last night, I wasn't stoked to read that it meant I may be stuck in my waking life, too. Specifically, the traffic jam suggests a frustration that life is not proceeding as smoothly as I would like it to. Ok. I can see that. I can be impatient at times and now that I have set my goal, I definitely have more weight to carry with me.
I try to blog everyday so that I can build my audience, but I am afraid I might start to sound boring if I am not truly inspired to do it. That is why sometimes, I will write short poems, or haikus instead of longer blogs. I also set a deadline of my next birthday to be published by, which we all know that as you get older, time seriously flies and those days pass by like lightning. The one thing that I must remind myself constantly is that this is my gift. In order for me to develop it to its full potential, I must continue to practice it everyday. I must actively participate in the world that I want to be a part of -- by attending writer's groups and author appearances, reading other's blogs and articles, ect. And when I have dreams that illustrate my frustrations, I must also honor them.
However, there's always two sides to everything. As my day unfolded, I was reminded of this. In my dream, I was driving along I-35 south to Kansas, where I just so happened to have a writer's meetup group scheduled this evening. After sitting in the traffic jam for a while, I decided to detour through the city and found my way back to the freeway, passed the messiness. I did overcome the obstacle, but my dream changed settings at that very moment that I was to enter back onto the freeway. It was strange because I didn't ever make it to where I was going in my dream.
Now, the last time I had a dream that warned of traffic, I actually took an impulsive exit off the interstate and sat in construction traffic for 30 minutes! So this time I didn't discount the premonition. Then, about an hour before the group was scheduled to meet, I received an email that the presenter was under a tornado watch and wasn't going to make it after all! WOW! I knew it all along. My dream was surely a sign that driving there would be a journey with no meaningful end in sight.
Being blessed with intuition is one of the greatest gifts I have experienced as a human being. I get gut feelings, tingly goose bumps and obviously, vivid psychic dreams. However, decoding these messages isn't always the easiest task. Sometimes the symbols that appear are so random and far out there that I don't even consider them as a valid sign until they appear right in front of my face! There are no coincidences in life!
Dreams have many levels of interpretation and today I experienced that first hand. Although there are the famous Freud and Jung interpretation theories, there is also the intuitive stream of unconsciousness at work alongside the stream of conscious accounts of the previous day's events. All of these together make for a pretty amazing puzzle -- one that I am grateful to receive in my sleep and to witness it unfold in my waking life.
It is important to see the dream from all of these angles and to keep a positive frame of mind when the symbols don't always forsee happy times. By choosing the higher road, the earthly path presents far fewer traffic jams.
But I will award it one thing: it is a time to catch up on sleep. And when I sleep, I dream, which to me has always brought with it a sacred clairvoyance. Through my dreams I can see into my unconscious and in many ways, the future.
When I wake from a lucid dream full of symbols, I consult my dream dictionary and journal to document the meanings of these vivid scenes. However, when the meanings don't always bare the news that I would like to hear, I can often feel disheartened. I, by no means, expect life to always be full of rainbows and butterflies, but when I dreamt of being in a traffic jam last night, I wasn't stoked to read that it meant I may be stuck in my waking life, too. Specifically, the traffic jam suggests a frustration that life is not proceeding as smoothly as I would like it to. Ok. I can see that. I can be impatient at times and now that I have set my goal, I definitely have more weight to carry with me.
I try to blog everyday so that I can build my audience, but I am afraid I might start to sound boring if I am not truly inspired to do it. That is why sometimes, I will write short poems, or haikus instead of longer blogs. I also set a deadline of my next birthday to be published by, which we all know that as you get older, time seriously flies and those days pass by like lightning. The one thing that I must remind myself constantly is that this is my gift. In order for me to develop it to its full potential, I must continue to practice it everyday. I must actively participate in the world that I want to be a part of -- by attending writer's groups and author appearances, reading other's blogs and articles, ect. And when I have dreams that illustrate my frustrations, I must also honor them.
However, there's always two sides to everything. As my day unfolded, I was reminded of this. In my dream, I was driving along I-35 south to Kansas, where I just so happened to have a writer's meetup group scheduled this evening. After sitting in the traffic jam for a while, I decided to detour through the city and found my way back to the freeway, passed the messiness. I did overcome the obstacle, but my dream changed settings at that very moment that I was to enter back onto the freeway. It was strange because I didn't ever make it to where I was going in my dream.
Now, the last time I had a dream that warned of traffic, I actually took an impulsive exit off the interstate and sat in construction traffic for 30 minutes! So this time I didn't discount the premonition. Then, about an hour before the group was scheduled to meet, I received an email that the presenter was under a tornado watch and wasn't going to make it after all! WOW! I knew it all along. My dream was surely a sign that driving there would be a journey with no meaningful end in sight.
Being blessed with intuition is one of the greatest gifts I have experienced as a human being. I get gut feelings, tingly goose bumps and obviously, vivid psychic dreams. However, decoding these messages isn't always the easiest task. Sometimes the symbols that appear are so random and far out there that I don't even consider them as a valid sign until they appear right in front of my face! There are no coincidences in life!
Dreams have many levels of interpretation and today I experienced that first hand. Although there are the famous Freud and Jung interpretation theories, there is also the intuitive stream of unconsciousness at work alongside the stream of conscious accounts of the previous day's events. All of these together make for a pretty amazing puzzle -- one that I am grateful to receive in my sleep and to witness it unfold in my waking life.
It is important to see the dream from all of these angles and to keep a positive frame of mind when the symbols don't always forsee happy times. By choosing the higher road, the earthly path presents far fewer traffic jams.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Mind Walking
There's so much to say that hasn't been said,
So much to write that needs to be read.
So many emotions in front of me,
That come with living out my destiny.
My patience is weak,
I jump into this street.
The traffic is so thick,
I'm bound to be hit.
In the middle of the road,
I walk alone.
I close my eyes,
And trust in life.
This is meant for me.
This is meant to be.
Purposefully.
I let it be.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Making the rules as I go...
Yesterday was my birthday. An anthem sounded through my head all day long, "31 and so much fun!"
As the birthday wishes on Facebook rolled in, these were among my favorite:
"And on this day...many moons ago...a wolf howled...an owl HOOTED...and Amanda came into being...and the universe paused for a moment to marvel."
"Bake in joy, wake in wonder, be you, you are Amazing...make us QUAKE...be the FIRE...do it to it sweet honey pie."
And the love continued to pour in all day!!!!
Birthdays are the most special days of the year, because you get to be YOU and everyone celebrates it! It is the one day of the year when people are just thankful that you are alive, and they aren't there to change you or critique you. Oh, I shall bask in this glorious light for as many days as I can make it last! I only get to do it once a year, right?
Anyway, I had lots of fun, which began with writing my blog and marketing my Facebook author page, which actually worked! I increased my fan base by almost 40 people! And why not? There isn't another time (that I have experienced) when you get more traffic on your FB page! Score! :)
I rewarded myself for getting my writing done first thing in the morning, by juicing up a nice carafe full of fruits and veggies. The birthday special: one beet, three carrots, a handful of kale and collard greens, two oranges, an apple, a kiwi, some strawberries and a banana. Mmm Mmm! My nephew, Ryan, assisted me with the juicing as I loaded in the goodies and we sang the juicing song! Or rather, I sang it and he looked at me like I had gone completely nuts. ;)
That afternoon, I indulged myself with a visit to the Princess Diana exhibit at Union Station, my family in tow. The guys weren't as interested as I was, but they stuck it out!
Princess Di is such an inspiration to me and many of the words that have been written about her resounded deeply in my heart. Her brother, Charles Spencer, wrote that she was a, "unique phenomenon," a "glorious humanitarian," who had "intoxicating sophistication," a "natural nobility," a "sincere common touch" and "boundless energy."
And yet this woman was highly scrutinized in the public eye. Regardless of her amazing, selfless life work, Diana was still insecure and it is that humble side of her that truly magnetizes me to her. Charles Spencer wrote, "Genuine Goodness is threatening to those at the opposite end of the moral spectrum," and I thihnk that is so important for all of us to remember that as we battle the swift currents of social evils and fight our own good fights!
In the words of Diana herself, "I don't go by the rule book; I lead from the heart, not the head."
Such strong words from an intuitive role model and they also ring true to my own journey, as I now find myself choosing to either follow the rules of publishing Children's lit, or to just do it the way I hear it in my heart. It is all great knowledge to consider, but it is there just for that purpose: to consider. The final decision is up to the author! Amen!
After the Diana exhibit, we grabbed some delectable treats at Pierpont's happy hour in Union Station. By request of my nephews, we made our way back to the music shop that we stubled upon on Wednesday to host my birthday jam. This time, however, we gave our jam some lyrics and had an audience to clap for us! We left with a video documentation and sweet smiles on our faces! :)
When we returned home there was only one thing left to do: eat cake! My mother prepared fresh strawberry shortcake and I made a very focused wish as I blew out my candle. ;) My dad also prepared two chinese wishing lanterns for me to send up into the clear sky, and I happily wished twice more as they floated up, up and away.
As my birthday began to wind down, I thought about just how special my day had been. If the special moments of a birthday were practiced more often for individuals, they may lose their "awe" factor, but Geez! We sure would all be bubbling over with joy more often than not! ;)
Just sayin'.
I may have to start celebrating a quarterly birthday just to experiment my theory. So ladies and gentlemen, mark your calendars, my next day to be showered with love is June 18th, 2011!
As for "Larry Bear," I began the story-boarding process, not based on any model, but on my gut feeling about how it should be presented. I saved a draft and forwarded it to my illustrator, who has been in Colorado all weekend for her daughter's Volleyball tournament. I accompanied the document with an email full of "Whaddya think"s and open ended statements, but expect that she will not have much time to write until the beginning of next week when she returns home to Florida.
This collaboration is a first for both of us and I suspect that our emails and questions will only be getting longer as we move along each stage of the process! Well, I say bring it on! Every ounce of energy I have put into this project comes directly back to me, magnified by its ability to change and grow and I can feel the FIRE getting stronger and the QUAKE shaking harder inside of me daily!
So, to close in honor of Princess Di -- we are writing our own rule book daily, and I look forward to sharing it with you, too -- to take it, or leave it, as you may.
As always, thanks for being along for the ride...
As the birthday wishes on Facebook rolled in, these were among my favorite:
"And on this day...many moons ago...a wolf howled...an owl HOOTED...and Amanda came into being...and the universe paused for a moment to marvel."
"Bake in joy, wake in wonder, be you, you are Amazing...make us QUAKE...be the FIRE...do it to it sweet honey pie."
And the love continued to pour in all day!!!!
Birthdays are the most special days of the year, because you get to be YOU and everyone celebrates it! It is the one day of the year when people are just thankful that you are alive, and they aren't there to change you or critique you. Oh, I shall bask in this glorious light for as many days as I can make it last! I only get to do it once a year, right?
Anyway, I had lots of fun, which began with writing my blog and marketing my Facebook author page, which actually worked! I increased my fan base by almost 40 people! And why not? There isn't another time (that I have experienced) when you get more traffic on your FB page! Score! :)
I rewarded myself for getting my writing done first thing in the morning, by juicing up a nice carafe full of fruits and veggies. The birthday special: one beet, three carrots, a handful of kale and collard greens, two oranges, an apple, a kiwi, some strawberries and a banana. Mmm Mmm! My nephew, Ryan, assisted me with the juicing as I loaded in the goodies and we sang the juicing song! Or rather, I sang it and he looked at me like I had gone completely nuts. ;)
That afternoon, I indulged myself with a visit to the Princess Diana exhibit at Union Station, my family in tow. The guys weren't as interested as I was, but they stuck it out!
Princess Di is such an inspiration to me and many of the words that have been written about her resounded deeply in my heart. Her brother, Charles Spencer, wrote that she was a, "unique phenomenon," a "glorious humanitarian," who had "intoxicating sophistication," a "natural nobility," a "sincere common touch" and "boundless energy."
And yet this woman was highly scrutinized in the public eye. Regardless of her amazing, selfless life work, Diana was still insecure and it is that humble side of her that truly magnetizes me to her. Charles Spencer wrote, "Genuine Goodness is threatening to those at the opposite end of the moral spectrum," and I thihnk that is so important for all of us to remember that as we battle the swift currents of social evils and fight our own good fights!
In the words of Diana herself, "I don't go by the rule book; I lead from the heart, not the head."
Such strong words from an intuitive role model and they also ring true to my own journey, as I now find myself choosing to either follow the rules of publishing Children's lit, or to just do it the way I hear it in my heart. It is all great knowledge to consider, but it is there just for that purpose: to consider. The final decision is up to the author! Amen!
After the Diana exhibit, we grabbed some delectable treats at Pierpont's happy hour in Union Station. By request of my nephews, we made our way back to the music shop that we stubled upon on Wednesday to host my birthday jam. This time, however, we gave our jam some lyrics and had an audience to clap for us! We left with a video documentation and sweet smiles on our faces! :)
When we returned home there was only one thing left to do: eat cake! My mother prepared fresh strawberry shortcake and I made a very focused wish as I blew out my candle. ;) My dad also prepared two chinese wishing lanterns for me to send up into the clear sky, and I happily wished twice more as they floated up, up and away.
As my birthday began to wind down, I thought about just how special my day had been. If the special moments of a birthday were practiced more often for individuals, they may lose their "awe" factor, but Geez! We sure would all be bubbling over with joy more often than not! ;)
Just sayin'.
I may have to start celebrating a quarterly birthday just to experiment my theory. So ladies and gentlemen, mark your calendars, my next day to be showered with love is June 18th, 2011!
As for "Larry Bear," I began the story-boarding process, not based on any model, but on my gut feeling about how it should be presented. I saved a draft and forwarded it to my illustrator, who has been in Colorado all weekend for her daughter's Volleyball tournament. I accompanied the document with an email full of "Whaddya think"s and open ended statements, but expect that she will not have much time to write until the beginning of next week when she returns home to Florida.
This collaboration is a first for both of us and I suspect that our emails and questions will only be getting longer as we move along each stage of the process! Well, I say bring it on! Every ounce of energy I have put into this project comes directly back to me, magnified by its ability to change and grow and I can feel the FIRE getting stronger and the QUAKE shaking harder inside of me daily!
So, to close in honor of Princess Di -- we are writing our own rule book daily, and I look forward to sharing it with you, too -- to take it, or leave it, as you may.
As always, thanks for being along for the ride...
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Cheers to you!
Skateboarding gives me peace
when I see the way a rider has mastered his craft,
with grace, an amazing balancing act.
The same way musicians get ya when they play
something great, that they have practiced and practiced
And those harmonies vibrate from your heart strings
All the way down to your feet,
Leaving you feeling light as a feather...
Flying
Drifting
Floating
Softly, as my soul sings
Hallelujah to the sweet angels on earth--
Those who actually know their worth
And share this gift of self--
Life's true power of wealth.
Cheers to you!
For falling on your face, but getting back up.
For learning how to do it yourself.
For trying something new that has always been in you
For giving peace through just being.
Give freely!
Create peace.
Just be.
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